Sunday, February 18, 2018

In The Fog

For two weeks now (I think), I've been dealing with the oh, so loved mind fog... My mind feels so cloudy, I can't focus at all, and I'll find myself staring off into space for kicks. Not fun when you're trying to focus on the smallest tasks, and simply can't. Trying to write is so tough too, when you feel like your head is floating in water. 

I'll wake up in the morning, and feel the fog immediately. Lightheadedness is the first thing I feel, like my head is weightless, and then my eyes feel unfocused. A mess...

I spoke with a friend that also has Hydrocephalus, and he told me the fog might be the cause of seizures, which is kind of weird and scary to think about. I'm guessing the seizures are the result of so many operations.

Hopefully this fog will go away soon.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Blackouts... and Trauma?

So... it's been a couple of months after Hurricane Maria hit the island. Though there have been some advances in recovery, they haven't been that noticeable. The most obvious of these examples being the fragile power grid.

Now, I'm not saying this to sound spoiled, but every time there's a flux in power, I revert to the days of the  storm, and become a bit anxious. I think I may have been traumatized by the storm and its aftermath, and didn't even realize it until much later.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Writing Update

My story now has 130 pages so far, and I can't be more excited. Though I have an ending in mind, I have no idea how long it will take me to get to it, or how it will happen. All I know is that the thought is there, and sticking. Now I just have to create the bridge to get to it. 

I've managed to make my betas (I have 2), hate my villain so much. lol 

Eep! I'm excited! 

Monday, January 15, 2018


I'm sure you've seen me mention Mindblanks in previous posts (because they happen so regularly), but I'm not sure if I've ever explained them or their effects.

To me, they feel like your mind is a blackboard, memories written on it, and someone takes an eraser and just wipes them away. Another part of that, is the "veil" which I think of as the mess after erasing a blackboard with a dusty eraser. This is due to so many surgeries. Long lasting brain trauma, if you will.

This gets very annoying when you're in the middle of doing something (writing, looking for something, etc.) and forget what you're doing. 
Now that I think about it, I feel like a mish mash of Ten-Second-Tom and Lucy from 50 First Dates.

It's so annoying... I have to carry a notebook, or take constant notes on my phone, so that I keep track or things. Anyone else ever feel like this?

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

What Is Your Darn Book About? Lol

The thought of this post came randomly (as do all), it I thought it might help me in the long run too. I read a writing prompt a WHILE back that said something like "a book character that falls in love with the reader" (That isn't exactly what it says, but bear with me), and it got me thinking that I had never read a story like that. Suddenly, I began getting ideas for the why's, the how's, and the what's. It's been a ride of emotions because I've gone from thinking I could do this, to feeling over my head, and back again. I refuse to give up. Not just for my story, but for myself as well. I know I want to be an author, not just a writer, but we must all take baby steps.

This is the preface: 

I was nothing, just empty words on paper, until her voice gave me life, excitement, and so much more. 
She began simply reading my story, adding new words in her soft, lilting voice. But then something happened that neither one of us expected. We fell in love.
But I was wrong.

Thursday, December 21, 2017


Pain is a common thing with Hydrocephalus,  and it usually manifests in the form of headaches that can be either light or severe. 

I get headaches EVERY day, which range from barely noticeable, to "punch your face in". I have no idea what causes the variation when I'm not having hospital worthy symptoms. 

The light ones are annoying, but I can handle. The strong ones knock me out (or I wish they did, so that I couldn't feel them as much). It's a stay in bed with the windows shut kind of day when they strike, and they leave a lovely parting gift of "phantom pains" too. That's the sensation the headaches leave behind: my forehead feels tight, sometimes I'll feel busts of baby pains, but those are barely noticeable. 

Hydrocephalus. Never a dull moment... 

Friday, December 1, 2017

Writing Weirdness?

So I was finally able to pinpoint my writing process, and it is a bit funny/confusing/long, but it works for me. I start out with a notebook, I always try to keep a notebook handy, because (even though I deal with those dreaded mindblanks), words pop into my head. It's weird, I tell you. After the "word vomit" (please excuse the comparison, but it's accurate) I erase and write it all down again, but in nicer handwriting, and sift though it as best I can. Then I pass it onto my computer, where I do one final edit.
I can't be the only person that does this... Lol. 

In The Fog

For two weeks now (I think), I've been dealing with the oh, so loved mind fog... My mind feels so cloudy, I can't focus at all, and ...