You Can't Label Pain

When you live with a chronic illness or condition, most people  are understanding, but you're also bound to run into others that aren't. People that either think you're faking it, or exaggerating.

These people should be thankful that they don't have to deal with the hardships that those with conditions love on a daily basis. We may have good days, even good seasons, but unfortunately, the bad outweighs the good in most cases, and we're the ones that have to deal with it. Adding half smiles for others who just don't understand.  Chronic pain is real, even if you get a reprieve for a few months.

My "calm" months are in winter and some of autumn, and I'm virtually pain free until spring and summer. But not completely, believe me.

We may not always look to be in pain. We might just seem really tired (and believe me when I say that pain is exhausting), but we are dealing with something not everyone can.

We are tough cookies 🍪

Emotions with Hydrocephalus + Writing Updates

It turns out that when you receive many operations in your head, they can impact your mental\emotional state.

This has been made crystal clear to me, and it makes a lot of sense of you think about it. Your brain is bound to short circuit from time to time if it's been poked and prodded. This means outbursts, crying, depression, inappropriate laughter, all that fun stuff... (among others). I still haven't found a way to deal with it, except letting it out. 

As for my book, I am happy to report 155 pages and 41, 381 words.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

Jobs? Nope

One thing that I am so tired of us people asking me why I don't have a job. NEWSFLASH: I feel horrible on a daily basis, and when I do try to find work, I don't meet the standards for the position. I studied culinary arts because I loved it, but find my work in that field is a pain in the butt when you don't move fast enough, or when you can't exactly make snap decisions. That's one of the reasons I started to write. Besides the fact that I have stories to tell.

I need to finish writing my book, because I feel like that is what I'm supposed to do with my life. I want to inspire, and teach others about Hydrocephalus through my stories.

Fog In The Moment. Live.

So, I've previously discussed BRAINFOG in another post, but I felt like talking about it while I'm actually going through it. It came on suddenly this time, like getting slapped in the face with a leaf while walking, and hasn't left me yet.

I feel like my head is not connected to my neck, I can barely focus my thoughts, and I just can't bring myself to get out of bed. It's bad... My eyes get heavy, but I'm not necessarily tired. I guess that means my mind just wants to shut down (sleep). But sleep doesn't always help, because sometimes I'll wake up with the fog worse than it was before the nap. It's frustrating...

And the "best" part of it is that it comes with a friend. Headaches. Who stay with you after the fog clears... 

Update: The fog started clearing after 4 hours. Sometimes it takes longer.

Writing Updates? Okay, Let's Go With That.

So, my book currently has 151 pages, 40.023 words, and 3 songs on my writing playlist! (All by Muse, because they spoke to me. lol)

1- "Something Human" which fits Wyatt 

2- "Hysteria" which fits Alex  

3- "Unintended" which fits Emily

No Spoilers. I promise.

Updates. (Because I Can't Come Up with A Better Title)

We are mid September, so you know that I'm antsy. Hurricane Maria flashbacks are the best... (cue sarcastic voice), and I need October to roll around soon. Summer was painful, and really kicked my butt. Headaches, lightheaded (head floating) feeling, just a mess. 

Onto writing stats...

I'm happy to report 150 pages. 39,706 words so far. The story has evolved in details, which surprised me and my beta readers. That's what happens when your characters talk to you. lol

Just All The Things (Rant post)

Summer is killing me... Am I surprised? Nope. Annoyed? Very much so. 

Pain has been my constant companion this summer, and what most people don't understand is that pain drains you. You may not externalize it by crying, but it is written on your face, whether you think it is or not. My tattletale sign is my eyes, because I can feel the pained look in them. And can't really hide it. Darn it. 

My summer headaches sting! I don't know if it's because of how long they last, but I've felt the sting a lot this month. 

Also, let me get this off my chest... THOSE OF US WITH CHRONIC PAIN ARE NOT LAZY. WE ARE DEALING WITH A LOT OF PAIN. Thank you.