Emotions with Hydrocephalus + Writing Updates

It turns out that when you receive many operations in your head, they can impact your mental\emotional state.

This has been made crystal clear to me, and it makes a lot of sense of you think about it. Your brain is bound to short circuit from time to time if it's been poked and prodded. This means outbursts, crying, depression, inappropriate laughter, all that fun stuff... (among others). I still haven't found a way to deal with it, except letting it out. 

As for my book, I am happy to report 155 pages and 41, 381 words.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

Jobs? Nope

One thing that I am so tired of us people asking me why I don't have a job. NEWSFLASH: I feel horrible on a daily basis, and when I do try to find work, I don't meet the standards for the position. I studied culinary arts because I loved it, but find my work in that field is a pain in the butt when you don't move fast enough, or when you can't exactly make snap decisions. That's one of the reasons I started to write. Besides the fact that I have stories to tell.

I need to finish writing my book, because I feel like that is what I'm supposed to do with my life. I want to inspire, and teach others about Hydrocephalus through my stories.

Fog In The Moment. Live.

So, I've previously discussed BRAINFOG in another post, but I felt like talking about it while I'm actually going through it. It came on suddenly this time, like getting slapped in the face with a leaf while walking, and hasn't left me yet.

I feel like my head is not connected to my neck, I can barely focus my thoughts, and I just can't bring myself to get out of bed. It's bad... My eyes get heavy, but I'm not necessarily tired. I guess that means my mind just wants to shut down (sleep). But sleep doesn't always help, because sometimes I'll wake up with the fog worse than it was before the nap. It's frustrating...

And the "best" part of it is that it comes with a friend. Headaches. Who stay with you after the fog clears... 

Update: The fog started clearing after 4 hours. Sometimes it takes longer.

Writing Updates? Okay, Let's Go With That.

So, my book currently has 151 pages, 40.023 words, and 3 songs on my writing playlist! (All by Muse, because they spoke to me. lol)

1- "Something Human" which fits Wyatt 

2- "Hysteria" which fits Alex  

3- "Unintended" which fits Emily

No Spoilers. I promise.

Updates. (Because I Can't Come Up with A Better Title)

We are mid September, so you know that I'm antsy. Hurricane Maria flashbacks are the best... (cue sarcastic voice), and I need October to roll around soon. Summer was painful, and really kicked my butt. Headaches, lightheaded (head floating) feeling, just a mess. 

Onto writing stats...

I'm happy to report 150 pages. 39,706 words so far. The story has evolved in details, which surprised me and my beta readers. That's what happens when your characters talk to you. lol

Just All The Things (Rant post)

Summer is killing me... Am I surprised? Nope. Annoyed? Very much so. 

Pain has been my constant companion this summer, and what most people don't understand is that pain drains you. You may not externalize it by crying, but it is written on your face, whether you think it is or not. My tattletale sign is my eyes, because I can feel the pained look in them. And can't really hide it. Darn it. 

My summer headaches sting! I don't know if it's because of how long they last, but I've felt the sting a lot this month. 

Also, let me get this off my chest... THOSE OF US WITH CHRONIC PAIN ARE NOT LAZY. WE ARE DEALING WITH A LOT OF PAIN. Thank you. 

My Mental Blanks Have a Name!

Ever since I can remember, I've had to deal with Mind Blanks, wherein my brain will suddenly erase what I'm thinking or trying to process at the moment, leaving behind a sense of loss, and an inability to focus. 

Growing up, I always thought they were "normal" for me after all the surgeries I've had. A friend of mine cleared this up for me though, and helped me put a name to what happens to me. Absence Seizures. 

Yes, seizures! 

While they're happening I'll feel THE FOG, which completely takes over my brain and doesn't let me think clearly, which leads to slower movements, slow reaction times, etc. I will also stare into space from time to time. 

In my case, they can be mild, as in "Oops, I forgot something" (these last only seconds) or the whammy (which can leave me feeling out of place for the whole day), where I'll feel like a veil has been placed on my mind, blocking out all thought, and make it impossible to focus.